Heartfire
by writerfan2013
Summary: "The heart fire is the flame that drives every man and woman. It is the passion that burns bright in all that they do best." Arthur throws a feast for the Beltane fire, but Merlin fears the flame will reveal too much. Gentle Merlin x Arthur
1. Chapter 1

"The kingdom is safe, Merlin." Gwen linked her arm through his as she and he walked through Camelot's dim autumn corridors. "Surely, now it's safe to love?"

"No," Merlin said, and a shadow passed across his face like a swift fleeing south for winter. "Not for me."

The King seemed merry that year, and ordered many feasts in honour of the new peace, and the growing trade between neighbouring kingdoms. Arthur ate, and drank, and jousted, and accepted apples and handkerchiefs from the many young ladies of his court and his allies', and seemed content.

Everyone said it would not be long before Camelot saw a wedding, and the start of a new generation of Pendragons.

A winter wedding, they said, when Arthur dined three times with a daughter of Cened's kingdom. It will be at Imbolc, they said when Arthur danced at Yule with a beautiful distant cousin. Ostara was the time, they said at last, after a dozen princesses were sent spring blooms. But summer drew near and still the King retired to his chambers alone.

But this was not quite true. "Merlin!"

Arthur's bellow made the goblets rattle. "Sire." Merlin left the table where he sat polishing the King's belt buckles, and walked mildly through to the bed chamber.

Arthur stood by the window. The casement was open and the scent of bluebells wafted into the room, carrying with it all the joy and yearning of first love. "Do you smell that, Merlin?" Arthur demanded.

"Bluebells," said Merlin. "Some harebells, too."

"It makes me chafe," said Arthur. "Chafe!"

Merlin waited. The King never complained unless he already had the solution.

"We'll ride out tomorrow," said Arthur. "The knights. We'll make a tour of the border, get some fresh air, hone our hunting skills."

He swung round and faced his servant. "This peace has made us all sloths. We need to shake off this laziness and get out into the world again."

Merlin, who had worked since dawn with no supper said, "I'll get your gear." He turned to go about that task, but Arthur stopped him with a raised hand.

"It's not a mission," he said. "It doesn't have to be tonight. You can do it in the morning."

Instead of breakfast, Merlin thought. "Right," he said.

Arthur waved him over. "Beltane" he said. "The May magic. What do you make of it?"

"It's a tradition," said Merlin cautiously. He adopted the careless tone he used when talking about magic, and the old ways. "Some people say that on Beltane night, new fires are lit to sustain the new life that springs up all around at this time of year. Heart fires," he added, for Arthur was blessed with a literal mind.

"It's all nonsense though?"said Arthur.

"A bit of fun," said Merlin. "After a long winter and a spring spent planting, people want to let their hair down."

"Right, right." Arthur wandered over to the table and poured ruby red wine into a goblet. He came back and put the cup down on his desk, and looked at it.

There was already a brimming goblet at his place. Arthur frowned.

"Heart fires," he said. "Explain."

Merlin's gaze went to the window, and the stars wheeling in the sparkling sky. "There are some who believe-"

"It's all right. Spare me the disclaimers."

Merlin glanced sideways at Arthur and smiled his slanting smile. "The heart fire is the flame that drives every man. And woman. It is the passion that burns bright in all that they do best."

"Humph."

Merlin saw a meteor, a streak of glory and defeat. He sighed lightly. "For you it might be fighting," he said. "Or hunting."

"What?"

"Your heart fire."

"Oh. What's yours?"

Merlin dropped his gaze from the window. "It's not for me to say what I do best," he said.

"Huh. Just as well. Be a pretty short list." Arthur pushed the second goblet across the table. "Drink it."

Merlin blinked.

"Oh go on. I've poured too much, that's all. Don't get all excited. It's not a holiday."

Merlin lifted the goblet, bowed his head in thanks, and put the silver to his lips.

"Cheers," said Arthur, to nobody in particular.

Merlin's dark eyes gleamed at Arthur over the rim of the goblet.

"You'll sort that out, then?" said Arthur when the wine was gone.

"Sorry what?"

Arthur waved a hand. "Beltane. New fires. Let the kitchens know I will throw a feast in honour of... General renewal."

"All right. Yes."

"All of Camelot will celebrate," said Arthur, and Merlin had never seen him look so miserable. Arthur held out his empty cup to Merlin. "Oh. By the way. I will be receiving the Sultan of Faria, and his daughter tomorrow. See to it that they have the best guest quarters. The Sultana in particular." Merlin took hold of the cup. Arthur had forgotten to let go of it.

"There will be more talk of marriage," said Merlin. His hand was still on Arthur's cup, and Arthur's hand.

"I preferred it when there was talk of war," said Arthur. He glanced down, and released the cup, shaking his head.

Merlin stepped to Arthur's side, reached for his shirt laces. "Let me help you with that."

But for once Arthur did not require Merlin's assistance. "I can undress myself," he said. "I'm not totally helpless."

"No sire. Not totally."

"Oi!"

"Will that be all," asked Merlin.

"Yes," said Arthur, "that will be all."


	2. Chapter 2

"It's time to settle down, I think," said Gwen, early next morning. She lay her needlework aside and smiled at Merlin as he drank last year's raspberry leaf tea.

"Good for you," he said. "That sounds nice."

She laughed. It rang pleasantly in her cosy cottage. Merlin smiled. Gwen had been unhappy a long time, but lately she seemed more hopeful. Perhaps his potions, charmed as they were with a little extra joy, had helped. "Oh Merlin," Gwen said now. "You just don't see it, do you?"

"Probably not," said Merlin.

Arthur appeared in the doorway. "Merlin! There you are. It's nearly nine o'clock, man. Time to go."

Gwen jumped up, curtseyed. "My lord."

"Morning Gwen," said Arthur. "I see you've been monopolising Merlin again."

"He is good company, my lord."

"I'll take your word for it," said Arthur. "Merlin. Time to go."

Merlin gulped down the rest of his tea. "Thanks Gwen. Sorry, duty calls."

She ran after him as he prepared to follow Arthur along the lane. "Bring me back some bluebells, will you?"

"Of course."

"She's keen," said Arthur as Merlin mounted up in the castle yard.

"Hmmm," said Merlin.

"Going to marry her, are you? You've been sending an awful lot of time at her place lately."

"No I haven't," said Merlin.

"Aha, guilt. You can't hide anything from me."

Merlin bit his lip. "I'm not marrying anyone," he said.

"All right, all right, don't bite my head off. I'm only making conversation, an art form of which you are blissfully ignorant."

They rode on, with Arthur's knights, into the airy woodland surrounding Camelot. Almost at once there was game, and although at this time of year it was forbidden to kill, Arthur led the men on a fine hunt, and laughed when they released the cornered stag.

"I've arranged for the Beltane feast," Merlin said as they idled back towards the castle, giving their mounts free rein. "The heartfires will be lit at sundown on Beltane eve."

"Ah, excellent, good. Where should we have them? The main square?"

"Perhaps," said Merlin.

"You don't like that. Too modern. Yes. We need something with a little more mystique. Got it. The throne room."

"I thought perhaps the great maze," said Merlin.

Arthur's jaw dropped. "The maze."

"The fire at its centre," said Merlin.

"Perfect," said Arthur. He cast Merlin an admiring glance. "You have quite the eye for spectacle, Merlin."

"You have no idea," said Merlin.

"I will throw the maze open to all citizens of Camelot," said Arthur. "Any who want to, may come and watch their heart fire burn bright for the celebration of Beltane." He glanced at Merlin. "You'll be there, Merlin."

"The fire keepers require absolute truth," said Merlin, which was no kind of answer and even Arthur noticed.

"Why would you care?" he said. "You've got nothing to hide."

"Will you do it?" Merlin said. "Speak the truth in front of your heart fire?"

"Of course," Arthur said with all the ease of a man whose courage is matched only by his honesty.

"The fire sayers know everything," said Merlin. "There can be no secrets where it concerns the heart's fire."

"I see," said Arthur. "Right. Excellent, excellent."

"Sire," said Merlin. "I see bluebells among the trees there.. May I stop to pick some?"

"If you must."

"They are beautiful," said Merlin, turning to Arthur, "and honest, and unafraid."

Arthur stared.

"And so I must," said Merlin and sprang from his horse.

* * *

When Merlin arrived in Arthur's chamber that evening, ready to lay out the royal night clothes and turn down the royal bed, Arthur was standing in the window, with a fistful of bluebells.

"Why are these on my table, Merlin?"

Merlin busied himself folding bed linen. "Spare."

"Huh."

Arthur continued to study the flowers until he noticed Merlin working. "Stop fussing. Come and tell me the Sultana is beautiful. "

"She is beautiful," said Merlin. "Gwen has been admiring her gowns very much."

Arthur rolled his eyes. He slammed shut the casement window, making all the candles flicker. "I talked quite a bit to the Sultan's champion. Lancelot. A fine fellow. Top swordsman. I imagine he's popular with the ladies. Handsome."

"Yes," said Merlin, although in his eyes Lancelot did not shine like Arthur.

Arthur put the bluebells back in their vase, at last. He pushed a goblet of sweet eastern wine across the table to Merlin. "Here," he said.

Merlin glanced down at it, back up to Arthur's candle lit face.

Arthur shrugged with great nonchalance. "Poured too much again."


	3. Chapter 3

The peace broke suddenly that night like a spring tide which swells and quashes the meets and dinghies stacked up on the harbour wall.

The King saw it first from his high window - a trail of bright spots advancing across the valley - and yelled for his knights. Merlin appeared. "Soldiers," said Arthur, pointing out the forthright. "But who would attack Camelot?"

Merlin leaned from the window, eyes narrowed as if it were possible for a man to peer into midnight darkness and know who his enemy might be. "The attack might not be for us," he said.

"Then why bring it to my castle? Fetch my armour."

The knights arrived and under cover of their brusque planning, Merlin withdrew. He wasted no time with preparation, but simply left, sprinting from the side gate with the speed and stamina which comes from years of hard manual work.

He was at the edge of the strangers' camp when he was caught. Chainmail arms gripped him tightly and a voice hissed, "Do not try to escape."

Merlin went still. But he had recognised that voice. "Hello, Lancelot."

* * *

The Sultana had pledged herself to an eastern Prince, but her father forbade the match. He sought alliance with the powerful nations of Albion, and travelled West to make a marriage between his daughter and a prince of those isles.

All this Lancelot told Merlin as they weaved between enemy fires, heading for the pointed tent at the heart of the camp.

"So you are a spy for this eastern Prince," Merlin asked. "A traitor in the Sultan's household?"

"I stand for love," said Lancelot. "To marry your king would only make the Sultana unhappy. And although I have deceived the Sultan, everything I do is for the good of his reign. -You can't understand."

"I bet I can," said Merlin.

It was never clear how a fog came down so swiftly over Camelot, preventing either side from finding the other. That the Sultan, too, should stumble into the very tent of his enemy and be forced to negotiate for peace, was a stroke of great luck. Camelot knights never needed to strike a blow, and by morning the Sultana had her Prince, and the Sultan had new allies east and west.

Arthur stood once more by his window and watched the last of the Sultan's entourage trot away. Daylight streamed in but the King's eyes looked tired.

"Some breakfast, sire," said Merlin, coming in.

"Merlin! Where the hell have you been? I haven't seen you since the alarm bell sounded."

Merlin bowed his head in apology.

"I thought you would be at my side in this crisis," said Arthur. His eyes went to Merlin's boss, add muddied as Arthur's own.

Merlin's dark eyes showed sorrow, but no guilt.

"Well, lucky for you," said Arthur. "The people are calling the fog a miracle, freak weather that saved Albion from war. All I know is, even I couldn't find my way around Camelot, it was so thick. You'd have been hopeless."

He broke off, as movement in the square below caught his eye. "What's this? Lancelot not going with the Sultan?"

Merlin joined Arthur at the window. The Sultan's champion stood aside as his former comrades marched away. His head was bent.

"I guess there was someone the Sultan could not forgive," said Arthur. "Wait, is that Gwen?"

A woman lay her hand gently on the abandoned knight's arm, and smiling, drew him away. Merlin's sharp eyes glimpsed Lancelot's grateful smile, and then, as Lancelot took in Gwen's beauty, something else.

"He stands for love," Merlin said, and smiled.

* * *

The King inspected Beltane preparations in the Great Maze, his servant at his side. Lanterns were being hung in the high hedges, to hide revellers to the space at the maze's heart, where the Beltane flame would be lit.

"I think I will never marry," said Arthur. He stood with Merlin in the clearing at the centre of the maze. An empty brazier awaited the celebratory flame, in front of the statue of a knight on a rearing horse.

"A king must," said Merlin. "Duty."

"I could not love the Sultana. Or any woman." Arthur glanced at Merlin.

Merlin pressed his lips tight shut.

"Some men are born to be bachelors," Arthur said. "And live alone."

He stared at the statue without seeing it. Then Merlin's hand landed on his arm. Arthur jumped.

"You're not alone," said Merlin.


	4. Chapter 4

Merlin stood before the Beltane flame, and the statue of the knight. The firesayer had given out many readings that night, and at last Arthur had drawn Merlin into the maze to receive his.

"As a favour to me," said Arthur. "If you are in any way my friend-"

"How can you doubt that?" said Merlin. "But you don't know what you're asking."

Arthur's glove crackled on Merlin's sleeve. "I know exactly what I'm asking."

Merlin grimaced. Arthur's fire had told him as a good man and a great king. Merlin knew his own could not be so straightforward.

"Please," said Arthur.

"You are my king," Merlin said. "I cannot refuse you."

Arthur began to speak.

"You are my friend," Merlin continued over him. "I would not refuse you. But Arthur. You might not like what you see."

"I have to accept that."

Which of two terrible secrets would the flame light up? Merlin stepped forward to face the firesayer. He turned his head to take a last look at Arthur.

Love would exile him.

Magic would kill him.

The heartfires flickered.

"Strange," said the fire sayer. "It will not rise."

Arthur stepped forward in protest, but Merlin stopped him with a look.

The fire sayer frowned. "I have never seen this before. Well - just once, but..."

The people of Camelot thronged at the heart of the maze, eating sweetmeats, marvelling at the beauty of the Beltane flame.

Suddenly Merlin had to know. "What is it?" he said. "When did you see the fire refuse?"

The firesayer's eyes were wary. He began to back away from the fire, and specifically, from Merlin.

"Speak!" said Arthur .

The firesayer mumbled, had to repeat it. Then his words echoed around the centre of the maze. "In the presence of a greater flame."

Arthur's eyes narrowed and the firesayer began speaking rapidly. "Your heartfire," he said to Merlin, "is bound to another's destiny. Your own is great but the fire is all for him."

He closed his mouth, looked from Merlin to the king. "I will say no more," he said, and fled.

Arthur was open mouthed. "Well -"

"Don't speak," said Merlin on an outbeath. "Don't speak."

Arthur subsided.

"I know my heart fire," Merlin said in a low voice. "I've always known it. To see you king, ruling over a united Albion. That is my flame, and when it was fulfilled I thought I would ... end. But I went on."

He trembled but continued, his gaze on the flame. "I am bound to you, Arthur. In more ways than you know."

Arthur had never let fear stop him. "I know."

Merlin's eyes shot to Arthur's. "You know," he said.

"Yes." Arthur strode to Merlin and clasped his arm. "And it gives me great... Comfort." The court was all around them, murmuring and laughing among the maze's green paths. "To know you are always at my side."

"I will never leave," whispered Merlin.

They stood for long moments, forearms bound together, mingled promise and fulfilment.

"Arthur," said Merlin as the band struck up elsewhere in the maze and people moved away. "There's more."

"More than this," said Arthur. He released Merlin's arm. They were alone for a moment, and their words were muffled by the music. People were drifting out of the maze to dance. Arthur lay a finger on a strand of the dark hair before Merlin's ear. Merlin drew a trembling breath.

"What more," said Arthur, moving back. "Tell me."

"I ask your forgiveness in advance," said Merlin.

"Merlin. You must know now that there's nothing which could-"

Merlin raised his right hand. "Cumeth bleda, cumeth blostmas." His eyes gleamed gold like the last treasure in a prince's hoard. Arthur flinched. And white petals burst from the empty air between them, and fell like snow. Some petals bloomed gold and silver; others unfurled into tiny sapphire bells which tinkled as they fell.

Merlin closed his eyes and the illusion disappeared.

"Magic," said Arthur. "You're telling me now you have magic."

Merlin met Arthur's gaze. "I am a sorcerer."

Musicians passed into the centre of the maze, in a blare of drum and flute, and the court followed them. The King and Merlin remained beside the heart fire, which had sunk low, and people streamed all around.

Arthur said, "The luck of Camelot. Not luck at all, but you. All these years."

"Yes. -I understand the punishment. I know what you have to do."

Arthur drew breath, let it go.

Merlin raised his head and met Arthur's;'s gaze. "-Don't give me mercy. End it, end it quickly -"

"Merlin," said Arthur, striding forward. "Shut up."

He grabbed Merlin's arm. "Keep your voice down for pity's sake. And no more conjuring where people might see it."

Merlin's eyes were wide. "You knew this too?"

Arthur rolled his eyes. "Of course I knew. I just couldn't understand why you wouldn't tell me."

Merlin's face was pale.

"Even the finest wine couldn't get it out of you," said Arthur.

Merlin took a step towards Arthur, and staggered.

"Stand up, man, I'm not carrying you out of here in a faint."

"No more secrets," whispered Merlin. "I promise you."

"And I you. Now come on, the music's playing and I must dance with many dignitaries."

He smiled, and Merlin smiled back. Life seemed simple and sweet, and all the difficulty ahead was as nothing.

There was nobody near. Merlin drew Arthur's head down and kissed his brow. Arthur laughed in surprise, but tolerated it, and bashed Merlin's shoulderblades in return.

"Look," said Merlin.

The heartfire, which had burned low all this while, was rising. A gout of fire arrowed into the sky, scattering sparks across the entire maze. A cry went up from the people.

"Typical," said Arthur. "The fire sayer's gone."

Merlin clasped Arthur's shoulder, squeezed it tight. "We don't need him."

The flame crackled and leapt, and all of Camelot seemed to be in its glow.

* * *

Merlin entered the King's chamber and shut the door behind him. Arthur was standing by the window, still in his scarlet court jacket. Merlin slipped his own brown leather coat from his shoulders and hung it over a chair. There were two goblets of wine on Arthur's desk - as there had been, Merin realised, every night since Yule last year.

Merlin approached the window and stood beside Arthur. Their shoulders touched.

The heartfire still burned at the centre of the great maze. In the morning, the fire keepers would come and carry it away, and keep it alight until next Beltane. But for now its glow lit the darkness, and embers hissed up into the night like stars seeking their place in the sky.

"You're here then," said Arthur.

Merlin smiled, a smile with no secrets. "Yes," he said, "I'm here."

The heartfire blazed fierce and bright all through that night, and all who saw it said that it was a sign, a definite sign, although they did not know of what. But such warmth and light, at the very core of Camelot - it was like a miracle, everyone agreed, and it surely meant that the future held much to celebrate.

FIN


End file.
